It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
