I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
