So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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