I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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