It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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