I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
