last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
