If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
