i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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