I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
