So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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