WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
