Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
