This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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