I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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