Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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