Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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