I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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