I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize