So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
