i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
