I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
