Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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