she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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