remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize