If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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