how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone đ
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled âfive times and I still havenât gotten offâ when he was still inside me ..
Said âdonât worry Iâll get myself off tomorrowâ to top it all off
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