Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
