i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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