The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
