I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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