i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
