theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
