apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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