Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
