dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
