i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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