More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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