I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
