she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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