I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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