Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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