i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
