you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
