it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
