well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
