i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
