I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
