if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
