Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is it because I queefed?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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