hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
