Your dad touched me again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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