Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
