So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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