Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
