I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
