So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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