I cannot find my penis.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
