Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
