don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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