Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
