K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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