Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
