I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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