Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
